Winter.

I'm in a cheap hotel in Milwaukee... Staring out the window onto that wintry strip mall. Even though it's cold, snowy, and the bleak midwest, I'm thankful for this quick "vacation" with my husband. Being in Wisconsin makes me very thankful to be from California, to be living in Colorado. We get to see the sun every day!

I'm looking forward to wearing this dress tomorrow night... The last time I wore it was the night before our wedding. It's been over a year now, and I still think marriage to my husband is the best thing in the world!

Last week I was talking to one of the kids at work about David, and he sighed and said "Oh... You're just the marriedest". Yes. Yes, I am. Thank you.

Life and death.

We spent time with my beloved family last week. Talking, eating, eating some more, sitting, driving... It was wonderful. We spent so much time at my grandparents' house... Soaking up the life that was soon to leave us. My grandfather (Papa) passed away on New Year's Day. He had spent the week (in and out of consciousness) with his entire living family - had even sat with us at the Christmas dinner table. Watching him slip away was so hard... but it made me know, even more than I alreay did, that God loves us more than we can ever comprehend or imagine. The ways in which the family came together that week, his last week, were divinely arranged. I will always be thankful that we were there - to say hello, to tell him we loved him (and to hear it back from him), to say goodbye, and to pray and hold each other. I'm so thankful for my family. I am so thankful that I got to know my sweet grandfather for 23 years of his life. We spent so much time together as I was growing up, and for that I will be endlessly grateful.

The next day, David and I celebrated our first anniversary. We didn't do much but revel in the thought that we had been married for an entire year! It was the shortest and longest and best year of my life. I have learned so much about love and life and God and myself and him... I can't wait to see what the next year will bring us!

All that to say, we have a wedding and a memorial service in the next two weeks awaiting us, but for now... It's so good to be home. To be working, to be in our home... It's good.

Words and children.

I think I have fallen in love with words. For the first time.
I've always loved reading... but never any of the "classics". Too many lofty or poetic words, and I'm out of there. But this week, thanks to books written for children... I've fallen in love with words.
My mouth feels full of phrases such as - "...and in and out of weeks, and almost over a year..." and "a person's a person no matter how small" and "what one hundred men could do in a week..." and "'I am dancing, yes I'm dancing, I am dancing' Gerald cried". My favorite thing to do every day at work is sit on the tiny blue pleather sofa by the window and read to them. Over and over and over again. For an hour.

I took them to the children's museum on Monday. And I ran through tunnels and pushed tiny shopping carts and made giant bubbles with a baby on my front and a little boy at my side. And everyone overlooked the fact that our skin colors are on opposite ends of the spectrum and called me their mommy. And there was a little part of my heart that jumped, for one day I wish that to be part of my life. I want children that look like me and children that don't. And it gives me hope in humanity that everyone around us just assumed.

Today, I cried at work. It wasn't an angry cry, or an overwhelmed cry... It was a sad cry, but a cry that called out with desperation and hope that I was getting through to him. He's only four years old, and he so needs to be reminded that he's amazing. So we cried together and I felt the heart of God.

And I felt the heart of God last night... Our house church, which I so look forward to every Tuesday. Two sweet friends shared their stories and I am endlessly grateful that they let us into their lives. I felt the presence of God as they told us of God's redeeming love and grace and the way he brings people together. I feel honored to be a part of what's happening here in our house church, and here in Denver.

In the city.

This seems funny, but I changed the name of my blog to "In the city". Because, if I think about it... Everything I do is in the city. I live on next to a busy (and sketch) street that runs through the city. I work two miles from my home - straight down one road towards the center of downtown. I worship a mile from my home (straight down the first busy street), right across from the capitol.

My whole life is within three square miles! I love it - I really do. But I love being reminded of the greater world outside my little life. I love seeing the cloud covered mountains on my short drive to work. I love talking to good friends who are pursuing dreams similar to our own. I am continually inspired by what's to come in our lives... and I'm so thankful that what I'm doing now is helping me prepare for whatever comes next.

PS: 20 days til I see my beloved family.

Christmas [traditions].

This is our first Christmas. I'm feeling a bit of pressure to start new traditions, and I feel that all the Christmas decorations we buy will be with us til the end of our days. Now, this probably won't be the case, but I can't help but feel that this Christmas sets the tone for every Christmas to come.

I know it's still November, but we've started decorating and preparing!
My family always cut our Christmas tree down at a Christmas tree farm in the "mountains" of California. I wanted to keep this tradition going - but it's a bit more intense when you live in Colorado! We ventured way up into the mountains the day after Thanksgiving with David's parents to find the perfect tree. It wasn't a Christmas tree farm, really... It was a forest. And it's a lopsided tree, but it has pine cones on it and it only cost us $12 to cut down. It's perfect.



See? It's perfect!



Since we don't really have all that many (count them: 2) sentimental ornaments yet, we had to make do with cheap ones and handmade ones. I was inspired almost ten years ago by a gift I got from a friend, and we decorated our tree with handmade yarn ornaments!



A while back I asked my mom for a recipe that I remember from my childhood. So, today, I made ginger snaps from my great-grandmother's recipe! They're the best.

I love incorporating decorations from our wedding into our everyday decorations and using them as Christmas decorations as well.

All that to say, I love Christmas. I'm so excited to spend it with my husband, and I'm looking forward to incorporating old traditions into our "baby family" and inventing our own traditions!

Thanksgiving.

Thanks for the inspiration, Ash!

I'm thankful for so many things.

• My husband. He makes me laugh and lets me be completely myself. People probably think we're crazy when we're out in public, but we don't care!
• My job. For a five year old who, today, was my helper and didn't throw any fits. For infants who comfort distraught older children. For learning to handle and engage with a child with autism. For sweet baby kisses. For getting to see, firsthand, the changes God can make in someone's life. For being reminded every day what a good and gracious God we serve. For getting to love on kids. For my amazing boss and coworkers who stand up for and support me!
  
• For my family. They are so strong and amazing and inspiring. I am encouraged by their incredible faith in God.
  
• For french press coffee (I'm having it for the first time in a year right now!)
• For the Plus One Christmas CD. They've never steered me wrong.
  
• For cheap haircuts that come with head massages.
• For David's family. I'm thankful they're in the state!
• For our apartment. It's warm and cozy and feels so much like home.
• For Bloom. Love it.
• For my little car (Baby Mzungu) that just drives so well in the snow!

(Our Christmas decorations... Meager, but heartfelt)

Work.

It's been a long week, and I am exhausted.

But I wanted to say a few words about how blessed I feel to have my job. We had a graduation party last night, and everyone there testified to how much her life had been changed as she went through our program. It made me so incredibly proud to be a part of the process, and so thankful to serve an amazing, gracious God. Though my job is incredibly hard a lot of the time, it's worth it. I'm thankful to spend time with graduates and residents who realize that the staff is there for them - that we're not working against them. We want to celebrate with them, and we try so hard to do so. It's hard not to get caught up in the petty arguments and silly ranting sessions, it's hard not to get weighed down by the lack of thanks or recognition. It's hard to be available every second of my work day, and to deal with tantrums and runners and poop along with disrespect and anger and exhaustion. But it's worth it. It makes it all worth it. I, also, often struggle to love the women for exactly who they are and where they're at. They're hard to love sometimes - but then, so am I. But they're working so hard and it's really admirable. Plus, their kids are super cute and wonderful and most of the time, they just need some cuddles. I've found that's often all they need... An encouraging word and warm, safe arms. I'm happy to provide that, any day!

I'm thankful for my husband who attends these graduations even though he is so busy and not invested in the process like I am. I couldn't do it without his support, and I'm so thankful to have an amazing man by my side (especially when all I hear about all day are the bad ones).